if singleness is a state, i think i am the governor... or at least one of the state representatives...

so i've written a couple of times about this guy at school... and today i wondered how things would be - at school... when i saw him this week, would things be different for some reason? there are less than 3 weeks left in school... i figure - something needs to happen if it's going to... and i've given all the hints i know how to give...

so hinted out this morning, i showed up for work and then school... i've gotten into a bad place where, when i see him, i get really excited that i get to see him or when he says hi... don't get me wrong... i've been surprisingly normal about this one... more normal than i've EVER been about any guy EVER in my life... i've been mature about it - haven't really gone into 7th grade girl mode...

so today is graduate luncheon... there are a lot of people running around... and there are a few kids... and after everything was over, i see him, talking to one of the kids... but he's not just talking, but down at the boy's level, talking to him... and i realized i had let it happen... i had become really interested... darn it... (i kind of mostly was... but this is like icing on the cake...) i am a sucker for that kind of junk... the guys who will go out of their way to talk to a child, on the child's level and not just walk by...

and i want to say something to him today... i want to be frank and honest and open... even ask him out... but i won't do it...

and i think, because i have been normal about this one, that there must be something different this time... like it's automatically going to turn into something more, just because i haven't gone jr. high about it... i didn't get upset when he didn't talk to me or cry into my pillow because i was so heart-broken... so that must mean something, right?

wrong... i walked into the computer lab a few minutes ago... he is the only other person in the room... we exchanged a friendly "hi." and he resumed his game playing, and i checked blogs... and i realized... as much as i wanted something to happen, and just because i was normal doesn't make it happen...

i'm quite sure that he'll go on about his life and he may remember me as a classmate from seminary... a kind-of half acquaintance who really liked movies and could make pretty good cinnamon rolls... but that's probably the extent of it...

and i'll have to be okay with that...

sometimes i think, with all the guy friends in my life... "what about this one? or that one?" - and i always think... i'm going to get married someday... maybe it will be one of my good guy friends... but the thing about it is - it never is... and i'm not saying it's not ever going to happen... today i just realized that i can't expect it to right now... regardless of how "ready" i think i am...